But I’m Not Weak

I have to go back on my anxiety medication, I can’t go without it. I’m suffering too much, the depression and cravings are crippling. I was so happy when the doctor said I could come off of it, but it was just a trial and it didn’t go well so I have to go back on it.

But that doesn’t make me weak.

I have a chemical imbalance which causes me to feel the extreme emotions that I do, it causes me to have irrational thoughts and fears, it causes me to crave things that I shouldn’t. And because of that, I need medication.

It’s taken me a very long time to realize that it’s okay to be on medicine for these ailments. I always thought it was a sign of weakness to take a pill for something, like just suck it up, I’ll be fine. But that’s not the case. I can not function without it. Heck, I can barely function with it. It’s a good day if I even get out of bed to shower. To some, that will sound gross and unclean, but others will fully understand where I’m coming from.

Weakness does not come in the form of taking your medications like you’re supposed to, weakness comes in the form of giving up. If you choose to stop taking your meds, stop fighting those demons, stop praying, stop talking to God, stop going to those meetings or therapy sessions; that’s weakness.

Strength is found in each of us in different ways.

My strength is that I cry instead of cutting myself, that I drink coffee instead of giving in to the urges that tell me to drink alcohol, that I pray to God to save me from myself instead of acting upon the depression.

What about you? What are your strengths?

Look at yourself from an outsider’s point of view and see what they see. Maybe you’re strength is that you get up out of bed each day at 8 am even though you want to sleep all day because of the depression. Or maybe you go to those meetings every night instead of taking that first sip of alcohol. Or it could be that you call the suicide hotline when you’re feeling like taking your own life. Those are strengths and everybody has strengths.

Tell me some of your strengths in the comments!

xoxo
Lindsey

 

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26 Comments Add yours

  1. One thing I do as soon as I wake up is make my bed. I never unmake it until night. But it’s still hard some days.🌸

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can’t even imagine how much discipline that must take, I’ve never been one to make my bed unless a guest is coming over x)

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I know the struggle of anxiety and depression. Some days are better than others. That affected my ministry for a long time. The devil still tries to use it as a distraction, then I am reminded of my calling and what God wants to do through me. Every believer has a calling and awesome God-given potential. That reality helps me fight the good fight of faith. I pray that the power of the Holy Spirit will help you overcome what the devil wants to use to paralyze you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much! That’s a really great reality and it’s so true, it’s just easy to forget sometimes that it’s the devil at work trying to distract us from our potential that God has given us.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. ezi2015 says:

      So true. If it wasn’t for God being my light and my rock, who knows where I would have been! It has been three years since I have been taking my meds and since I have been taking better I have been functioning better. But when I look back on how I have been living WITHOUT my meds and therapy, I realize how strong I was and was due to glory and love of God! So God+meds+therapy= emotional/psychological strength!

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for reblogging!!! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ezi2015 says:

        Not a problem!

        Like

  3. ezi2015 says:

    I have never seen taken my anti-depressants as a sign of weakness. To me it just shows how I am taking initiative and responsibility in taking care of my health (though sometimes I skip, not on purpose though). I found I can’t function without especially on the days I get depressed and/or anxious. However, I am hoping though one day I will stop take them for good.
    My strengths lie in helping others and focusing on my talents such as blogging. That tends to help me get through the day.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s a great way of looking at it! And you have great strengths, I’m glad you can recognize them.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Rayne says:

    I used to be one of those people who also believed that medication was the easy way out. But now, I see the truth. I also can’t function without my medication. Is it okay if I ask what you take for your anxiety?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I take Buspar for anxiety, 15 mg 2x a day. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Rayne says:

        Never heard of that one. Will check it out. 🙂

        Like

      2. I used to think it was like Xanax, but it’s more of for long term use and is not addictive. I like it better than some of the others I’ve been on. (I can’t remember which ones they were though, it’s been almost 1.5 years that I’ve been on this.)

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Rayne says:

        I’m on Xanax at the moment, which I take when I feel it’s going to be a stressful day, and to help me sleep if I’ve had a few nights of hardly any sleep. I also have Ativan for anxiety/panic emergencies. The Ativan is amazing, lol.

        Like

      4. Hmm I’ve never heard of Ativan. I need something like that for the days that are rough, but my dr won’t prescribe me most meds because of my overdose a couple years ago. But maybe he will change his mind since I’ve made some progress x)

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Rayne says:

        Maybe it’s under a different name. I’ve noticed some meds are known under different brand names in different areas of the world. Ativan is Lorazepam (they use it in hospitals as well), but a lot of doctors and psychiatrists are hesitant about prescribing it. It’s extremely habit-forming. So I’m guessing that your doctor won’t prescribe this one.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Ahh yeah, that’s most likely a no for me then lol. My history of addiction probably won’t mix well with it xD

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Rayne says:

        Most definitely not. ❤

        Like

      8. Oh well! I’m sure there’s something out there I can take, until then I’ll try to avoid stressful situations as much as possible x)

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Rayne says:

        You’ll find something. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Wow, been there done that. Alexis keeping on the meds helps level things for me. Strength is facing your demons, staring them straight in the eye and still saying no.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! I love that last sentence you said. It sounds so powerful!!

      Liked by 1 person

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