I can remember sitting there, listening to Macklemore and praying for a way out, praying for something to change, some miracle to happen so I could sober up. It hadn’t been long since I had started drinking again, but I shouldn’t have even taken that first sip. I didn’t start over when I started drinking again, I picked up right where I left off the last time.
It’s 240 days later and I’m still clean and sober. It hasn’t been easy, it’s been difficult at times. If I hadn’t gone to AA meetings in the beginning, there’s no way I would’ve made it this far. But here I am. 240 days clean and sober, that’s the longest I’ve gone since I started using/drinking.
I’ve gone MIA on this blog for quite some time, but I’ve made a lot of progress in that time. I’ve come off of my anxiety medication, lost 7 pounds, gotten rid of the cravings for smoking, and I’m working on getting rid of the thirst for alcohol. That one might take a little while though.
240 days and nights, including weekends and holidays. Even on New Years I was sober! How is this possible?! How have I taken control of my life and gotten back to the person I used to be, the person I was trying to run from?
Hard work and dedication. Talking to people, making phone calls to family daily, not running from my problems but facing them instead. That’s how I did it. Some days I could breeze through with not even a fleeting thought of using/drinking, but others I would stay in bed, crying and feigning for a drink. I would beg my boyfriend at times to let me drink, but he stayed firm. “You’re strong than that, Lindsey, you don’t need it.” It wasn’t easy, heck it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I did it. I took it “one day at a time.” And I still do.
There’s flavors that I can’t have, people that I can’t talk to, places I can’t go and things I can’t do. But I’m learning. I’m learning to live my life the way God intended me to. I’m learning to love myself, flaws and all. I’m learning that I wasn’t meant to waste away under the influence of drugs and alcohol, the world is beautiful without it.
What are my goals from here on out? I want to come off of my depression medication, lose 60 more pounds, share my story and continue my sobriety, one day at a time. I can and will do it. All of it. With determination and dedication, I know I’m capable.
“I never said it would be easy, I just said it would be worth it.”