Prescription Pills

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It’s been a while since I’ve gotten “real” with you guys. Or even myself for that matter. So this post is long overdue in my opinion. I have no idea exactly what it’s going to say, or who it will offend. But I’m not sorry for what I have to say.

Let’s start with the beginning, we’ll go back 4 years ago to 2012 where I tell the doctor that I’m having problems with my stomach. I can’t eat and what I can eat is expelled within 5 minutes of consumption. “Oh that’s your anxiety. You need an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety med. And you could try to go ‘gluten and dairy free’ as well, I think that would help you a lot.” I leave the doctors office with a new diet and a prescription for Zoloft. 19 years old and I enter the world of anti-depressants. Sadly, most people are entering that danger zone much sooner than I did.

Hold on a minute, I went in with stomach problems, why on earth was I given a prescription for Zoloft?

Not even a week later and I’m dizzy, nauseous, and eating everything in sight. At least my appetite was back finally, maybe I’d get a little meat on my bones. The pharmacist had warned me that there may be side effects of the medication, but I didn’t think much of it. I was on Zoloft for several months and I gained a good 20-30 pounds in those months. I became so used to the nausea and dizziness so it was not much of a big deal for me anymore. Then I began having full blown panic attacks with full-body convulsions. I thought they were seizures, I had no idea what was going on with my body, I just knew that this was not normal. I had to go see a neurologist, where I was prescribed an anti-convulsive drug.

So now I’m taking an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety and an anti-convulsive drug. Ugh, imagine how dizzy I was then. On the plus side, my appetite decreased a little so I wasn’t eating as much, but I wasn’t losing weight either. I wasn’t on the anti-convulsive drug for very long.

Shortly after, I went to go see a psychiatrist and I told him that I was depressed and anxious and I was a little upset that I had gained so much weight. What did he do? Put me on another drug because all he could see that was wrong with me was that I needed to lose weight. That made me feel super great about myself, let me tell you! *sarcasm* But he did take me off the Zoloft, so that was a plus.

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So now I was on some other medication, I can’t remember what it was, I’ve been on so many. But I lost my appetite almost completely and was able to fight the anxiety, but not the depression anymore. I was also having mood swings like crazy and having lots of temper tantrums. Long story short, I became suicidal. So I committed myself into the mental hospital so they could finally tell me what was going on and help me get past this difficult part of my life. They diagnosed me with, like, 3 mental illnesses and gave me a 3 new medications to take instead of all the other ones. I was now on an anti-depressant, an anti-anxiety drug and a mood stabilizer. More pills, yippee! *sarcasm again*

Things kept getting worse from there. I was always dizzy, having stomach problems like crazy and still gaining weight. But that wasn’t even the worst part. The part that infuriated me the most was that I was still depressed and battling crazy, insane anxiety.

Let’s just fast forward a bit to 2015 where I’m in the hospital for a suicide attempt. I couldn’t tell you how many different pills I had been prescribed by different doctors at this point. Every doctor, therapist and psychiatrist that I went to had something different to say about my mental health and they all wanted to switch up my meds. There was just no consistency between anybody! It was so frustrating.

So they put me on Depakote, Abilify and Prozac. They wouldn’t give me any Xanax or Klonpin because I had overdosed trying to kill myself. It had been a good month or 2 and I couldnt get out of bed, I was just a zombie. No emotions except extreme depression and sadness. Something had to change so they took me off Depakote and put me on Buspirone. Hopefully this one would help. Well it did, this was the best combination that I had been on, minus the fact that I was still gaining weight.

This is actually the combination that I am on today and it helps, sometimes. But, as of lately, I am suffering from severe dizziness, nausea, lightheadedness, twitching and shaking. It’s gotten really bad over the last couple of weeks. I can hardly eat without feeling sick, I get crazy bad migraines during the night, and I have to run to the bathroom because I’m so dizzy that I feel like I am going to throw up. My eyes twitch constantly, did you know that my medications can actually cause Parkinson’s Disease? I’m not saying I have it by any means, because I’m not a doctor, but I do know that I didn’t twitch like this until I was on these medications. I also can’t stop shaking lately, I’ll be sitting there holding my fork and plate, trying to eat dinner and I just can’t control the shaking.

I have an appointment scheduled next week to talk to my doctor about what’s been going on these last few weeks, but I guarantee you all they’ll do is increase or change my medications. I can probably bet you money that’s what they will do.

So here’s the problem with all of that. I don’t want to take pills for the rest of my life if they’re going to continuously cause me problems. Now you might have a completely different experience with medications than I have, and I truly do hope that they work for you.

But what about those of us who it harms more than it helps? What about people who are suffering tremendously from prescription pills and have to take pill upon pill to treat the side effects of each other. I mean, I know people who are taking upwards of 10-15 pills a day! Thank goodness I only take 3.

If only there was some type of plant that could be used to treat virtually any mental illness out there. Oh wait, there is! Marijuana can be used to treat pretty much any mental illness along with so many other health problems, but the problem is that it isn’t legal in every state. I know, I know, “I’m just another person who wants to legalize marijuana so that I can smoke all of the time.” Actually, no.

What I am is a person who is so sick and tired of having tons of side effects from prescription pills. They’re bad for my health, causing me more harm than good and causing me to still gain weight.

So why don’t you just stop taking them?

Yeah, that’s not a good idea. Not only will I have to go through painful withdrawals, I’ll also have to live without any form of treatment for my mental health issues, that’s not a good idea.

What I want the people to realize is that pills do not work for everybody and they are far more dangerous than a plant. With that being said, marijuana does not work for everybody either.

There are two sides to this, but I personally believe that both options should be available. That way you can at least have a choice.

What are your thoughts on the matter?

xoxo
Lindsey

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. anony says:

    I’ve never taken prescription drugs, except a nasal spray for allergies almost ten years ago, but I have been diagnosed with a mental illness, Major Depressive Disorder, recently. The doctor who did my initial intake evaluation was really amazing: he writes my diagnosis in my file, explains it to me briefly, then asks me if I would like to be referred to another doctor who would be willing to prescribe meds, I asked him if he thought I needed meds, he said no, in his opinion a good start for me would be six months of individual talk therapy, with a reevaluation at the end of six months to see how I’m handing my depression and life in general. So I agreed to try therapy. I loved that he didn’t push me towards meds and I love that he was so honest about what he thought I was capable of. One thing he said that stuck with me was “it’s okay to be sad. Sit with the sadness first before you try to push it away.” My case is pretty mild as far as mental illnesses go, but I do know that another doctor might have suggested medication as a first step, and it really bugs me that some doctors push pills like that. It’s been 2 1/2 years since my diagnosis, but really I’ve been struggling with my mental health most of my life, and I am doing well without meds. As for pot, I don’t personally use marijuana, but I have known people who it has helped tremendously with various ailments. A friend was even telling me about some sort of oil derived from it that he said would help the pain in my knees (haven’t seen a doc about the knee pain because I figure hhe’s probably just suggest pills, lol), I never ended up trying the oil, but I believe stuff like that does work. I use hemp lip balm and it leaves my lips feeling soft and hydrated. Anyway, I’m rambling, but this post for me thinking about a lot of stuff. I say if you think pot might be a better option for you than the pills, than smoke it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Great comment!! That’s an awesome doctor that you’ve got there, I wish I could find one who doesn’t force pills on me! I like the idea of having therapy before trying pills. And marijuana has so many amazing properties, once it’s legalized in my state, I will most likely discuss the possibility of using it with my doctor!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Back in my younger days I was a heavy marijuana smoker and still bear the scars upon my mental health because of it, my memories shot to pieces and I have massive blank patches in past such as my college years I remember very little. Smoking marijuana made me anxious, paranoid, depressed, feelings of hopelessness, sleep problems, I gained weight from getting the munchies in the evening and I got hugely addicted, don’t believe it when people say its not addictive. As an adult I now work with recovering addicts most of which started from marijuana. I have seen drug induced psychosis at its worst and yes from just weed smokers. I’ve seen lifes destroyed, even taken, families broken up, kids in care all because of that little plant I once thought was my friend. I dont have the answers either, it doesnt seem to be a one size fits all. For me personally I have steered away from the medication route ever since i was 16 and prescribed anti depressants which seemed to increase my suicidal thoughts and made me feel numb. In recent years ive become a Christian and have felt such peace even in my dark times. I find giving thanks and helping others my best medicine so far. Ill be praying for you sounds like your having a rough ride at the moment. Sending hugs xx

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story!! That’s a very interesting perspective and I appreciate you being so open about how marijuana did not help you when you were younger. I personally do not enjoy the high that you get from it, I used to, oh trust me, I did. But after my suicide attempt, I’ve had nothing but bad experiences with it. I’ve been looking into other ways to use the plant as medicine without the “high.” CBD oil seems like a good alternative to pills, but I’m not going to to go making any decisions without consulting my doctor first. Thank you so much for your prayers, that means a lot to me! I am also religious, a Christian, but I’m not the best Christian out there. LOL. I’m working on it thought! Without my faith, I wouldn’t have half the life I do now!

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