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It’s been a while since I’ve gotten “real” with you guys. Or even myself for that matter. So this post is long overdue in my opinion. I have no idea exactly what it’s going to say, or who it will offend. But I’m not sorry for what I have to say.
Let’s start with the beginning, we’ll go back 4 years ago to 2012 where I tell the doctor that I’m having problems with my stomach. I can’t eat and what I can eat is expelled within 5 minutes of consumption. “Oh that’s your anxiety. You need an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety med. And you could try to go ‘gluten and dairy free’ as well, I think that would help you a lot.” I leave the doctors office with a new diet and a prescription for Zoloft. 19 years old and I enter the world of anti-depressants. Sadly, most people are entering that danger zone much sooner than I did.
Hold on a minute, I went in with stomach problems, why on earth was I given a prescription for Zoloft?
Not even a week later and I’m dizzy, nauseous, and eating everything in sight. At least my appetite was back finally, maybe I’d get a little meat on my bones. The pharmacist had warned me that there may be side effects of the medication, but I didn’t think much of it. I was on Zoloft for several months and I gained a good 20-30 pounds in those months. I became so used to the nausea and dizziness so it was not much of a big deal for me anymore. Then I began having full blown panic attacks with full-body convulsions. I thought they were seizures, I had no idea what was going on with my body, I just knew that this was not normal. I had to go see a neurologist, where I was prescribed an anti-convulsive drug.
So now I’m taking an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety and an anti-convulsive drug. Ugh, imagine how dizzy I was then. On the plus side, my appetite decreased a little so I wasn’t eating as much, but I wasn’t losing weight either. I wasn’t on the anti-convulsive drug for very long.
Shortly after, I went to go see a psychiatrist and I told him that I was depressed and anxious and I was a little upset that I had gained so much weight. What did he do? Put me on another drug because all he could see that was wrong with me was that I needed to lose weight. That made me feel super great about myself, let me tell you! *sarcasm* But he did take me off the Zoloft, so that was a plus.
So now I was on some other medication, I can’t remember what it was, I’ve been on so many. But I lost my appetite almost completely and was able to fight the anxiety, but not the depression anymore. I was also having mood swings like crazy and having lots of temper tantrums. Long story short, I became suicidal. So I committed myself into the mental hospital so they could finally tell me what was going on and help me get past this difficult part of my life. They diagnosed me with, like, 3 mental illnesses and gave me a 3 new medications to take instead of all the other ones. I was now on an anti-depressant, an anti-anxiety drug and a mood stabilizer. More pills, yippee! *sarcasm again*
Things kept getting worse from there. I was always dizzy, having stomach problems like crazy and still gaining weight. But that wasn’t even the worst part. The part that infuriated me the most was that I was still depressed and battling crazy, insane anxiety.
Let’s just fast forward a bit to 2015 where I’m in the hospital for a suicide attempt. I couldn’t tell you how many different pills I had been prescribed by different doctors at this point. Every doctor, therapist and psychiatrist that I went to had something different to say about my mental health and they all wanted to switch up my meds. There was just no consistency between anybody! It was so frustrating.
So they put me on Depakote, Abilify and Prozac. They wouldn’t give me any Xanax or Klonpin because I had overdosed trying to kill myself. It had been a good month or 2 and I couldnt get out of bed, I was just a zombie. No emotions except extreme depression and sadness. Something had to change so they took me off Depakote and put me on Buspirone. Hopefully this one would help. Well it did, this was the best combination that I had been on, minus the fact that I was still gaining weight.
This is actually the combination that I am on today and it helps, sometimes. But, as of lately, I am suffering from severe dizziness, nausea, lightheadedness, twitching and shaking. It’s gotten really bad over the last couple of weeks. I can hardly eat without feeling sick, I get crazy bad migraines during the night, and I have to run to the bathroom because I’m so dizzy that I feel like I am going to throw up. My eyes twitch constantly, did you know that my medications can actually cause Parkinson’s Disease? I’m not saying I have it by any means, because I’m not a doctor, but I do know that I didn’t twitch like this until I was on these medications. I also can’t stop shaking lately, I’ll be sitting there holding my fork and plate, trying to eat dinner and I just can’t control the shaking.
I have an appointment scheduled next week to talk to my doctor about what’s been going on these last few weeks, but I guarantee you all they’ll do is increase or change my medications. I can probably bet you money that’s what they will do.
So here’s the problem with all of that. I don’t want to take pills for the rest of my life if they’re going to continuously cause me problems. Now you might have a completely different experience with medications than I have, and I truly do hope that they work for you.
But what about those of us who it harms more than it helps? What about people who are suffering tremendously from prescription pills and have to take pill upon pill to treat the side effects of each other. I mean, I know people who are taking upwards of 10-15 pills a day! Thank goodness I only take 3.
If only there was some type of plant that could be used to treat virtually any mental illness out there. Oh wait, there is! Marijuana can be used to treat pretty much any mental illness along with so many other health problems, but the problem is that it isn’t legal in every state. I know, I know, “I’m just another person who wants to legalize marijuana so that I can smoke all of the time.” Actually, no.
What I am is a person who is so sick and tired of having tons of side effects from prescription pills. They’re bad for my health, causing me more harm than good and causing me to still gain weight.
So why don’t you just stop taking them?
Yeah, that’s not a good idea. Not only will I have to go through painful withdrawals, I’ll also have to live without any form of treatment for my mental health issues, that’s not a good idea.
What I want the people to realize is that pills do not work for everybody and they are far more dangerous than a plant. With that being said, marijuana does not work for everybody either.
There are two sides to this, but I personally believe that both options should be available. That way you can at least have a choice.
What are your thoughts on the matter?