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To the girl I thought would be my best friend forever,
I’m sorry; I’m sorry for being selfish, for acting entitled, for relapsing and for giving up on us. I’m sorry that I wasn’t who you wanted me to be, or who I wanted to be for that matter. I’m sorry that we drifted apart over time. I’m sorry that I couldn’t take blame for my own actions. I’m sorry, I truly am.
You didn’t have to love me the way you did, you didn’t have to care for me like you did, you didn’t have to sacrifice your social life for me, but you did. I’m sorry that I couldn’t realize how much of a blessing you were to me. You were truly one of the only things that kept me going for those 3 months when I first got sober.
I remember sitting at McDonald’s, telling you about my suicide attempt, watching tears well up in your eyes and you apologizing to me that you weren’t there for me. That wasn’t your fault. I didn’t blame you. We had drifted apart, there was nothing you could do about it. I also remember sitting there with you, night after night, because I coudn’t stand to be alone. I remember when you and your daughter went everywhere with me, I could always count on you two to be there when I needed someone.
I’m sorry that I chose alcohol and bad behaviors over you. I’m sorry that I tried to blame you for my misfortune, when in all reality, I was the only one to blame. I’m sorry that I acted like you deserved me, when it was really I who didn’t deserve you. I’m sorry that I let my emotions get the best of me, that I couldn’t have any self-control. I’m sorry that I destroyed the best friendship that I ever had.
I want you to know that I think of you often. I am so thankful for you, for everything that you have done for me. Even though we don’t talk anymore, you will always have a special place in my heart. I couldn’t have come as far as I have if it wasn’t for you. I just want to thank you for the friendship, the love, the compassion, the kindness and the patience you showed me.
I hope that you can read this without hatred in your heart. And I hope you actually have the chance to read this..