Day 18 of the 30 Day Blog Challenge: What is something that you miss?
Time for brutal honesty, I don’t care if you judge me on what I have to say. Honestly, I miss drinking. I miss the temporary release from reality, I miss the carefree spirit that I had when I drank and mostly, I miss the feeling it would give me. I know that I’m better off without it, but I miss it terribly.
The cravings are real bad today, I don’t know how to get past them. I’m struggling so much with it. It’s like I do so well for a while and then BAM, it comes and slaps me in the face and says, “Hellooo, did you forget about me? Your addiction! I still exist! Don’t forget about me, I’m still here, I’ll always be here!” I’m on the verge of tears because I know that I’m better than that, I’ve come so far, 83 days today. I’m almost at 3 months. That’s about how far I came last time when I relapsed. I’m so terrified of relapsing. I won’t have anywhere to live if I relapse, I’ve been told that already. There’s so much weighing on my sobriety. I can’t give in to the horrible disease that is addiction.
I miss drinking more than anything else on this earth, but I can’t let it win. I will keep fighting.