To my parents, my family, my friends and the nurses; I just want to thank you so much for everything you have done for me. If it wasn’t for all of you, I would not still be here today. I can’t thank you enough for everything you have done to help me heal.
To my parents:
I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been, sitting in the hospital room, watching your daughter fade in and out of consciousness; hoping and praying that I would be okay. Wondering why I chose to end it all, questioning your parenting and wishing it were you instead of me lying in that hospital bed. I remember waking up to at least one, if not both, of you sitting beside my bed each time I would come to. I remember waking up at one point to you, Mom, sitting beside me with tears running down your face. I couldn’t figure out why you were crying, but I remember that you were just so beautiful, tears and all. And I remember looking over to you, Dad; you were sitting there, bent over with your hands folded together. The look of pure worry and concern on your face was one I hadn’t seen before. I remember how it felt having you both there, it meant so much to me.
You know you didn’t have to be there for me, you could have just abandoned me like I had done to myself, but you chose not to. Instead, you chose to be there by my side every step of the way through my long recovery. You helped me financially, you helped me physically, mentally and emotionally. When I was having a bad day, you two would talk to me. When I relapsed 3 months after my suicide attempt, neither of you disowned me. Both of you stressed to me the importance of moderation, but you let me learn on my own that I couldn’t drink like everyone else.
You helped me remember to take my meds every single day, you gave me money to go see my therapist, you let me take a few months off of work so that I could have time to heal fully. You didn’t have to do any of that, you could have just let me be, but you love me and I know that now.
To my family:
I remember waking up to some of you in the hospital, my Mom’s phone constantly going off because everybody was so concerned about me, I remember when a couple of you came to visit me in the psychiatric ward, it meant so much that you guys would take the time out of your day to come visit me. I remember how supportive you all were when I decided to start going to church again. The love that you all showed me was such an abundance.
To my friends:
Some of you didn’t know what happened at first, but some of you did. Regardless of how much you knew or how soon after you found out, I thank you all for your support. There are some of you that I truly would not be here if it weren’t for ya’ll. There were the friends who helped me stay sober, the ones who drank with me so I wouldn’t have to drink alone and the ones who helped support me emotionally and mentally when I couldn’t do it on my own. You didn’t have to take the time to help me, but you did. You treated me like family and cared for me as much as you could. I truly appreciate it.
To my nurses:
You are all truly selfless, I remember waking up to your cheery, smiling faces telling me that it was going to be okay. I remember one in particular, Alan, he was the sweetest of them all. Never once did any of you make me feel bad about what I had done, you all acted as if it was your favorite thing to do, watching my every move 24/7 since I was on suicide watch. You didn’t have to be nice to me, there were plently of other people that hadn’t chosen to be in that situation. But you were, and for that I thank you.
None of you had to be there for me, none of you had to help me, but you all did. I would not have been able to heal if it wasn’t for all of you. Every single one of you played an extremely important role in my healing, even if you feel like you didn’t. And for that, I thank you.