My Testimony

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030I’ve been putting this off for quite some time now, in fear of being judged. But I feel as if now is the time to share my testimony with everyone. I don’t know who needs to hear what I have to say, but hopefully it will help someone out there…

I come from a broken home, my Father was an active addict and my Mother was working all the time to support us. My parents divorced when I was in fifth grade and it didn’t really go so well. Dad was still using and I was just learning about drugs, so imagine how I reacted when my Mom told me that Daddy was addicted to cocaine. No, not my Dad! That’s when I started cutting and starving myself. The eating disorder lasted all the way through high school and the cutting has only recently stopped.

I kind of grew up Catholic, but we didn’t go to church often. I just knew that I had made my First Communion, whatever that was, and Catholicism was my religion. Jesus died on the cross for my sins, I had to go to confession when I was bad, yada yada. It wasn’t until high school that I started going to church on a regular basis. Even though I was going every weekend, I still didn’t see what the big deal was. I knew it made me happier somehow, but that was about it.

My life has consisted of severe depression and anxiety, along with many other complications. No, I wasn’t miraculously healed by God of these illnesses, but I was saved from destroying myself. In the last year, I’ve been in a really bad place; I was an active addict to alcohol, weed and benzos. You might not consider weed a bad thing, and I don’t personally think it is, but it’s the things I would do while under the influence. I was acting out with promiscuity, defying my roommates and parents and giving up my dignity in many different ways. If I could take it all back, trust me, I would. I wouldn’t wish any of it upon my worst enemy. You don’t understand how degrading it is to do the things I was doing. I was on a path to nowhere.

I had given up my job, my home and my girlfriend. I had nothing. I couldn’t live with myself after everything that I had done that summer, so I set a date to commit suicide. I remember going to church with my Aunt, Uncle and cousin on a Thursday night and I felt so different, I just knew God was going to change my heart and things were going to get better. But when the night of the date I had set finally came, I acted upon it. I took 77 sleeping pills. I know what you’re expecting, this is where God comes to me and tells me that life is going to get better and things are going to be okay, but He didn’t.

Now, He did save me that night, I truly believe that, but that’s not what I’m getting at. I was severely depressed after I got out of the psychiatric unit and I still wanted to die. I just didn’t see the point, I was clean and sober, I was alive, but I wasn’t happy. I made it three months without drinking because I had plugged myself in at church and was going to Connect Group meetings every week. But then, I stopped going to church and I relapsed. I also moved out and got a new boyfriend. But shortly after that, everything started going downhill again. I stopped taking my meds, which you should never do without consulting a doctor, broke up with my boyfriend and I started engaging in risky behaviors again. But this time, I was spiriling downward fast. If something didn’t change, I knew I wouldn’t make it out alive.

So, as a last resort, I prayed. I prayed for God to save me, both from myself and from alcoholism. I prayed for Him to take away my mental illness and help me to live a normal life. But he didn’t. I’ll tell you what He did do though. He gave me hope that life would get better, He gave me the strength to keep going, He gave me the courage to change myself and open up to others and He gave me the determination to change my life.

God not only gave me those skills to continue living, He also brought an absolutely amazing man into my life, my boyfriend, who has helped me continue to heal. My view on life has changed drastically; I am manging my mental illnesses, I am over 80 days sober and I am becomming worry-free. How, you might ask, purely by the grace of God. I have prayed, day in and day out, for my struggles and thanked God for my blessings. I’ve also given my worries to Him. Don’t get me wrong, I still fret about a few things, but nowhere near what I used to.

You see, God didn’t just save me one day, He has been working on me for a while now. God isn’t just my savior, He is my friend, someone I can turn to for anything. The God I know is a very kind, loving man and He has not turned His back on me once. Even when I gave up on myself, He didn’t give up on me; and for that I will be eternally grateful.

So there you have it, my testimony. It’s not this super amazing change of life that happened in one night, but it is a truly remarkable change of life, all because of the grace of God.

If you have any questions at all or want to learn more about God and how He can save you, leave me a comment and I will be sure to get right back to you!

Just a reminder to like, comment, follow and share if you would like to see more posts like this!

xoxo
Lindsey

Check out my related post, When Your Faith Falters here!

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17 Comments Add yours

  1. Sayl says:

    This really spoke to me though I can only relate to only 25% of it. The cutting and starving yourself. The story itself was very very sad at the beginning but As I got towards the end I was enlightened! I am very happy you have found hope in God! Okay, time to relate. I am diagnosed with this anxiety problem and since stress is my worst fear I cut…and cut to the stresses desire. I am 2 months clean! 🙂 As of starving myself that…is a problem I need to fix. I have been eating way less than normal and I’m not doing it because of my body image. I’m not fat. I’m actually skinny myself. But I guess it’s just I can’t eat because there’s stress! But anyways! You’re blessed in many ways though your family connection isn’t always perfect. Thank you so much for opening up! I am a new follower! I enjoy your blog already! Keep posting! God bless!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad that you could relate to my post! But so sorry that you are suffering! Thank you for sharing with me! I know that must have taken a lot of courage. Congrats on 2 months clean of cutting!!! That’s so awesome!! And the eating will hopefully get better, I will be praying for you! And thank you so much for the follow!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sayl says:

        Awww! Thank you! 🙂

        Like

  2. Ryo112358 says:

    Really glad I read this. Love your honesty and thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much!!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. HALLELUJAH. Thats the only thing that can come out of my mouth right now. God is amazing, and I loved it that you have the courage to share it with the world. Thank you Lindsey, Stay Strong, I can clearly see now that God wants you to be a leader, to be a vessel of him. Amen Hallelujah God bless you dear sister in Jesus Christ. Our God is just awesome, he is just crazy awesome love, and that too foolish love, because He loves us, just as we are, I mean just like an innocent child, he loves everything that we have and that we can have. I mean Father and Mother can stop loving us, but God the Father, our true heavenly Father, God the Son, Jesus Christ our best friend, and God the Holy Spirit, the giver of all gifts, God’s personal envoy to us, each one of is, is just amazing.
    Friend, I would end my comment saying this that, God loves you, and He loves you a lot, and that you be BRAVE okay, in sharing this testimony everywhere you can. Okay. Just be open to the Spirit, and the Spirit will lead you. Hallelujah

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amen to that! I prayed yesterday for God to speak through me and I believe he did just that! I will continue to share everywhere that I can!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Amem Hallelujah Praise God.

        Like

  4. Thank you for sharing your testimony and God’s truth in your life!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You are so welcome!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. You are His Miracle!☆

    Liked by 1 person

  6. sandradeyemi says:

    This is amazing, all Glory to God who gives us grace to overcome all!! Greater is HE that is IN YOU, than he in this world!! Keep shining for God !!! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Rebecca says:

    First of all, thanks for following me @faithsighanddiy. I’m glad you’re on your way to recovery. I’m also glad you realize that God only equips us for the hard work. He doesn’t do it for us.

    But God is not a “man”. He IS kind and loving but he is also holy. He’s the Creator and Sustainer of all of life.

    One little heads-up: It’s when we are improving so much that we are open to Satan’s attacks. Just be aware of this and keep doing what you are doing. I hope you continue to read the series I’m writing about authentic spiritual change and growth.

    God bless you, honey.

    Liked by 1 person

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