Lost In My Thoughts

I’m posting 2 journal entries again since the first one is very short! Like/comment/follow/share if you want to see more! 🙂

February 1, 2016

            I can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to. I’m so exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally. Please just make it stop. Please just let me end it..

February 7, 2016

Today I turned 23 and, honestly, I didn’t think I’d make it this far. I’ve been ready to die for so long now, it’s weird that I’m still alive. Part of me is happy that I’ve lived this long, that I’m able to see my friends and family grow and progress. But then there’s the other part of me that wishes I hadn’t made it this far, the part of me that just wants to do whatever it takes to die. I want to keep fighting, so I can live to see my nephews grow up and become successful, but part of me just wants to give it all up because I’m so exhausted from faking a smile every single day. It’s been a really long time since I’ve been truly happy. I honestly don’t even know what happiness feels like anymore..

I keep disappearing, deep into my thoughts. It’s difficult not to stay there. They’re so negative, they just overtake everything and hold me hostage.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. I here you. I hope that you are taking it one second, one minute, one hour and one day at a time if needed. And please call any 2-1-1 crisis intervention from whenever you are if you need to. In some cases, cell phones carriers won’t allow you to dial 2-1-1 directly but, if you Google the local 2-1-1’s landline’s number where you are. At least you can have it on hand if you need it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m trying to! Thankfully, I have a good support system so I have people to turn to. And I will keep that in mind should I reach too low of a point! Thank you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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