This post may contain affiliate links!
Hi, my name is Lindsey and I am an addict.
I don’t know what you are struggling with, but I want you to know that I once was you. I, too, have intoxicated myself with substances to feel alive, to lose all feeling and to forget. While I have never tried hard drugs, I know what addiction feels like; I am an alcoholic in recovery.
I know what it is like to get those cravings, the ones that are just insatiable and feel like you are going to explode if you don’t get your fix. I know what it’s like to go through withdrawals if you run out of your drug of choice. I know that you think intoxication is the only way to silence the demons that just won’t leave you alone. I know what it’s like to want to die because you feel like such a screw-up and you feel like you aren’t worth anything.
Alcohol may not compare to your “drug,” but I can at least relate. Addiction is ugly no matter what you’re using. Addiction makes you lose sight of your goals and dreams. Addiction takes you to a place in your mind that nobody knows exists. Addiction makes you apathetic to everyone but yourself.
Drugs and alcohol take away your freedom, they take away your friends and they take away your family. And, honestly, you most likely won’t realize it til it’s almost too late. People probably try to tell you that you aren’t the same or that you need to change, but you just don’t see anything wrong with your life choices. You think that you’re more than capable of living your life and you get mad at the thought of having a “problem.” “I know what I’m doing, I just do it for fun, I’m not going to ruin my life.” Yeah, sure you’re not. Don’t you know that you are already on a path to self destruction?
Addiction hurts, so freaking bad. It hurts you, whether you realize it or not. And it hurts those who love and care for you. Think about your mom, your dad, your little brother or sister. How do you think they feel when they see you suffering from this horrible disease?
“My son/daughter just stopped calling, I don’t know if I’m one night going to get a knock on my door saying that they overdosed or drank theirself to death.”
“Why doesn’t my brother/sister come see me anymore? Do they not love me?”
Active addiction disguises itself as this glorious, fun time out with friends or even just having a “chill sesh” by yourself. The truth hurts, it hurts like hell. Addiction is the ugliest, slow killer that I have ever seen. And I am a victim of it. I know how much you probably hate yourself right now and how much you probably hate me. I know how bad it hurts to read this, and honestly it hurts me to write it.
But I want you to know that you don’t have to suffer in silence anymore, there is hope for you.
All it takes is you, you just have to admit to yourself that you have a problem. And that is the absolute hardest thing you will ever have to do.
I know you, you’re not a bad person. You’ve just fallen and need help getting back up. Don’t let the purpose of this letter go unserved. Go out and seek help, it’s all around you. All you have to do is take that first step and tell yourself that you need help. Nobody will judge you, I know that’s what you’re worried about. Think of how happy your family, your friends, but most importantly how happy you will be once you’re no longer a slave to addiction.
Just take that first step, I know you can do it. You’re worth it. You’ve always been worth it. Don’t let this disease take you down, you’re so much stronger than that!
I want you to know that I am here for you, I want you to get help. I want you to be the person that you’ve dreamed of. You’ve got this. Don’t give up, I have faith in you, even if you’ve lost faith in yourself.
Check out my personal accomplishments in sobriety here!