“With the weight of the world on my shoulders, they just want to see me fall…”
Everybody is fighting a battle that you know nothing about, no life is as perfect as it seems.
Living behind the stigma of having mental illness and being an alcoholic is not an easy task. I’m not supposed to be able to function like everyone else, I’m worthless, a waste of space, the scum of the earth. But in all reality, I’m none of those things.
What I am is a hard working, dedicated, inspiring young woman who refuses to give up just because society says that I should. I’m not saying that I am perfect, because I am nowhere near it, but I am trying to live my life to it’s fullest potential and that’s all that matters.
When I started this blog, I wanted to share with everybody the struggles that I go through daily, no matter how gruesome, disgusting and horrid people thought they were. Why? Because everybody has a story to tell and I want mine to inspire people. This blog puts me in such a vulnerable position because I’m sharing things I never thought anybody would find out about. I want to help people by showing them that they are not alone.
Pardon my french, but I am pretty damn fucked up. If I can continue to live each day after the turmoil that I have been put through and put myself through, then you can too.
Do you know what it’s like to hate yourself more than words can even explain? What about drinking, do you drink yourself to sleep every night? Does cutting, scratching or burning yourself help you feel alive again? Or does suicide seem like the only option you have left because you can’t deal with the person you’ve become or what you’ve been put through in your lifetime?
That’s me, well, that was me. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my moments on self-loathing, who doesn’t? I stopped drinking over 2 months ago and haven’t cut in a little over a month. And suicide doesn’t sound quite as tempting as it used to. I am a work in progress and that is okay. You don’t have to be perfect, have your shit together or even know what you’re supposed to do in life; your life is still worth fighting for.
I don’t want you to think that you are a lost cause, so if you are reading this, please don’t give up. I know there is somebody out there that needs to see this. It does get better, I promise.
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