Thank God It Wasn’t The End..

July 9, 2015

My time is up. I can’t continue living like this. I’m not happy, I’m depressed and nothing will help. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but it all ends tonight. This is my last writing. I’m not posting anywhere because I don’t want to be saved. It’s my time to go. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough. I’m sorry I wasn’t the daughter, girlfriend, or friend that you wanted. I’m sorry that I couldn’t live up to your expectations. I’m sorry that I couldn’t save myself. Nobody can. Please don’t blame yourself, or anyone else for that matter. I’ve had these demons for so long, I’m just tired of fighting them. I thought I was strong enough, but I’m not. Nothing can change the way I feel. I don’t really know what to say. I’m just at a loss for words. Too many emotions right now. I’m just ready to go.

When you find me, don’t be sad. Be happy for me, I’ll finally be happy. All that I ask is that you play Catfish Soup by Attack Attack at my funeral. That’s all I want. Because this was no accident.

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. me says:

    Im guessing that July 9th 2015 wasn’t your last day. Im hoping it wasn’t your last day.
    We’ve just a family member try to do this … and they survived. And I’m grateful … that now we / I get to say what I want to them. You don’t realise till this happens how much you love someone and how much you’ll miss them if they weren’t there.
    I hope your here. I’m sure your loved … and Im sure you’d be missed if you weren’t here xoxo

    Like

    1. Thankfully it was not my last day! I am so sorry that you/they have to go through that, but i’m very glad they survived! Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to realize what you have.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. xomorgsxo says:

    This is a tearjerker- my gosh. I am so proud of you and how far you have come. I love hearing that lately death scares you- It’s because you finally have something “worth living for”. Congratulations love

    Like

    1. Thank you so much!! 🙂

      Like

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