December 27, 2014
I’m stuck inside my mind, consumed by cravings and thoughts of self harm. I need to feel the blade glide across my unscathed skin. I need to feel the pain of my skin ripping apart and see the blood trickle out and create a messy pool on the towel. I’m in a very bad space right now. My highs are always accompanied by a low, and this is certainly a low. I want to be alone. In my room. With my music blasting so I can scream and cry at the top of my lungs with nobody able to hear me. I want to allow this panic attack to fully consume me so I can begin to heal from it. I won’t be able to work my way back up to a high unless I allow this low to complete itself. It needs to manifest into a screaming fit of self-harm and self-loathing before I can move on from it. But I’m not alone. And I won’t be alone. So I’ll be stuck in this low until I can finally be alone..